I know I am but summer to your heart

So Nov 1st I packed the last of my things up in my car. I went to the gas station. Then I got on the highway to drive away and realized I never pumped the gas I paid for. I was on empty so I had to go back. And then on the way out I couldn’t resist going to my old work and seeing if PC was there. I walked in with so much on my mind. A thousands things I wouldn’t dare say. Because this time I had the secret. I didn’t tell him I was moving. And I wasn’t planning on it. I waltzed up there like it was any other day. There were two new girls working that I had only met once and written off immediately. He was as he always was. Charming. Sarcastic. And too clouded to get the signals I was throwing. He asked when I worked next. I told him I didn’t know. And then I looked at him very intensely. I gave him that long goodbye look. Secretly hoping he’d notice something was different. Every look I ever gave, every thing I ever tried to say was always wasted on him. It’s always the same isn’t it? Someone takes an interest in me so I throw my soul at them thinking maybe this is it. Victims of circumstance. He was there at the right time in my life. I needed someone to dote on and he liked being idolized. I learned a lot. I got what I needed in the end I think. I’m still left with a bitter taste in my mouth by the whole charade that was that summer but it’s nothing chocolate couldn’t cover up. When you’re in the thick of it you don’t realize you’re having a life changing moment. You just go with it. You get lead around by your heart and make decisions with you stomach. And you never see that you’re growing. That it’s all worth it. I said Goodbye. Well goodbye. I lingered for a second. I shook my head and I walked away. I got back in my car and onto the highway once more. I made sure to pick only the most appropriate songs to play very loudly on my ipod. Those songs that once you add air and open road to just really come alive. I gripped the wheel very tightly and then I let go. I started to breath again as I drove towards the next chapter of my life.



Brandi Carlile's
Wasted

If you had eyes like golden crowns and diamonds in your fingertips you'd waste it
If shining wisdom passed your lips and traveled to the ears of god you'd waste it
And so I hate that your overrated most revered and celebrated
cause you're wasted
Then again it's good to get a call
Now and then just to say hello
Have I said I hate to see you go...hate to see you go
Every time you close a door and nothing opens in its place you've wasted
And when you speak the words you know to those who know the words themselves you're wasted,
You're such a classic waste of cool, so afraid to break the rules in all the wrong places
Then again it's good to get a call
Now and then just to say hello
Have I said I hate to see you go...hate to see you go